The Legal, the Emotional and the Medical Side

2. Emotional Security

During a bondage game emotional crashes may occur, like with any other kind of very intensive experience. Maybe some unpleasant and seemingly forgotten memory comes back. Because of this the active part should know that it may be that suddenly he is confronted with a crying, very sad, or even screaming or in some other way negatively reacting partner. There is no question that the active part then has to free his or her partner immediately and has to be there for him/her, look after him/her and ready to talk, to try to get over the nasty experience (as far as it is possible to do this by just talking). This emotional security is one of the absolute prerequisites for a trustful bondage game. It's the safety net the "victim" can let itself fall into, in the sure knowledge that it will be held.

A sentence like "I am not your therapist" in such a situation is more than counterproductive. When someone isn't willing and ready to get emotionally involved he should let his hands off bondage games! A bondage session is no one-night stand.
The most important rule after a session had to be stopped should be to have patience and time, and not to apportion blame. Just the strain this puts on a relationship can be a chance, too, to develop even more mutual trust.
Of course it's much better to steer clear of what triggers such a crash, however much you like to do it, if you know what it is.

Rules up to which point the passive part should hang in there can only be made individually and jointly. While the active part maybe likes the posture to be uncomfortable or even painful, for the passive this may be just the point he or she gets out. To say something like "Stop making such a fuss" surely isn't the right way to tempt and lure him/her to step over the mark. And to tempt and to lure is just what you are trying to achieve when you want to let your partner stay in bondage a bit longer or a bit stricter.

Even without a crash and when everything has gone fine and both partners are satisfied and relaxed, the situation should slowly die down with an exchange of views about the session just over. (How was it for you when I put the rope around your hips so tightly? What have you been thinking when I closed my eyes while you were tying up my hands?). After all, especially when the session has been very good and intensive and fulfilling you will want to repeat it. And only through the feedback we get from our partner we can learn to get even better and maybe do some things differently.

From: Das Bondage-Handbuch, Matthias T. J. Grimme, Charon Verlag 1999